OK, I know I haven’t made a post in awhile (like “3 months” awhile), but hopefully I might start picking up the pace. Consider my last 1,000-word or something post to be the ending of season 1, and now we’re onto season 2 (yeah, that’s a good dog. Eat it up, eat the lies. Soon I’ll be able to justify slacking off for so long). But really, I’ve been thinking about rekindling this crap-fueled fire again, in hopes that I can occupy myself creatively over time.
Now it’s time to be a good crank and continue on with today’s post. I’m here to discuss the apparent (and how) fascination with the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (which appears on a cartoon network called “The Hub”), and the sick fucking fanbase that seemed to follow in suit. I knew it was time to bring this issue to the light when I got up today and read this post on 4chan /co/:
You wake up and see Princess Celestia lying next to you. She looks at you totally satiated and say “Thanks for that awesome night, lover…”
Problem is, you can’t remember a thing.
Oh and you’re naked.
After reading this, I knew whatever thin ice they’d been walking on with me was now shattered, and I now full-on fucking despise these “Bronies.” In case you haven’t caught wind of this whole thing, a “Brony” is a term that developed from some gross manchild’s daft obsession with a girl’s cartoon. A term that implies “I want to **** cartoon horses.” Bronies swarm like flies to the shit, and leave nothing but repulsion in their wake. They run hand-in-hand with Furries contending for the “biggest scumbag on Earth” trophy.
Apparently, the article for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, has, as of today, taken slot #1 on knowyourmeme.com (I refuse to make this a hyperlink). Knowyourmeme.com is notably cancerous due to its purpose of explaining unfunny “internet jokes” and, in the process, making them even more unfunny. Maybe you know what I’m talking about if you’ve played Portal and ever turned on the computer at any point in your life.
It’s like there’s never a dull moment with these people, never a day when I’m having the luxury of not being able to look at them. In fact, as I was playing Team Fortress 2 yesterday, I simply turned the corner and saw three pictures of ponies. Every corner, both literal and figurative, at which I seem to turn, hosts the image of “Twilight Sparkle,” “Rainbow Dash,” or perhaps “Pinkie Pie.”
Ponies have invaded the system, and they have tainted the waters. The bile has seeped into every break of the sidewalk. There is no longer any retribution to be had. What started out as an innocent cartoon has become the catalyst for a fetish the likes of which we’ve never witnessed. Lock your doors, board up your windows, or take to the sewers. Life as we know it has been compromised and the time to act is upon us. The act of, of course, a chaos dunk that is.