Bad News Bronies

OK, I know I haven’t made a post in awhile  (like “3 months” awhile), but hopefully I might start picking up the pace. Consider my last 1,000-word or something post to be the ending of season 1, and now we’re onto season 2 (yeah, that’s a good dog. Eat it up, eat the lies. Soon I’ll be able to justify slacking off for so long). But really, I’ve been thinking about rekindling this crap-fueled fire again, in hopes that I can occupy myself creatively over time.

These creatures have been featured in images that no living thing should ever have to endure.

Now it’s time to be a good crank and continue on with today’s post. I’m here to discuss the apparent (and how) fascination with the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (which appears on a cartoon network called “The Hub”), and the sick fucking fanbase that seemed to follow in suit. I knew it was time to bring this issue to the light when I got up today and read this post on 4chan /co/:

You wake up and see Princess Celestia lying next to you. She looks at you totally satiated and say “Thanks for that awesome night, lover…”

Problem is, you can’t remember a thing.

Oh and you’re naked.

What do?

After reading this, I knew whatever thin ice they’d been walking on with me was now shattered, and I now full-on fucking despise these “Bronies.” In case you haven’t caught wind of this whole thing, a “Brony” is a term that developed from some gross manchild’s daft obsession with a girl’s cartoon. A term that implies “I want to **** cartoon horses.” Bronies swarm like flies to the shit, and leave nothing but repulsion in their wake. They run hand-in-hand with Furries contending for the “biggest scumbag on Earth” trophy.

The nightmare begins.

Apparently, the article for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, has, as of today, taken slot #1 on (I refuse to make this a hyperlink). is notably cancerous due to its purpose of explaining unfunny “internet jokes” and, in the process, making them even more unfunny. Maybe you know what I’m talking about if you’ve played Portal and ever turned on the computer at any point in your life.

It’s like there’s never a dull moment with these people, never a day when I’m having the luxury of not being able to look at them. In fact, as I was playing Team Fortress 2 yesterday, I simply turned the corner and saw three pictures of ponies. Every corner, both literal and figurative, at which I seem to turn, hosts the image of “Twilight Sparkle,” “Rainbow Dash,” or perhaps “Pinkie Pie.”

Typically the only phrase thing that comes from these people when confronted with their atrocities.

Ponies have invaded the system, and they have tainted the waters. The bile has seeped into every break of the sidewalk.  There is no longer any retribution to be had. What started out as an innocent cartoon has become the catalyst for a fetish the likes of which we’ve never witnessed. Lock your doors, board up your windows, or take to the sewers. Life as we know it has been compromised and the time to act is upon us. The act of, of course, a chaos dunk that is.

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8 Responses to Bad News Bronies

  1. M says:

    I thought it was a combination of bro and ponies, like broski or bromance or anything else.
    But I was wrong. So wrong.

    It’s interesting that this topic came up because My Little Ponies have been haunting my Netflix for a while, begging to be watched. Oh, and also, I’m scared for the children who walk around with My Little Pony accessories.

  2. Uncle Albert says:

    Did you give your hard drive a nice funeral ceremony after forcing yourself to save those images?

  3. Pingback: Confessions of a Juggalo « Spinning Sounds

  4. Umm? says:

    Err, you’ve taken an extremely small percentage of people in a relatively large community and labeled the whole fan base as “people who want to **** cartoon horses”. That’s like saying every Muslim is a terrorist or every Christian priest is a pedofile. I like futurama that doesn’t mean I want to **** Fry, I’m an aspiring animator with a developed appreciation for it, and as such I will often watch MLP because of its well crafted walk cycles and secondary timing. Excuse me why I go wank to every other show I’m a fan of.

    • Pode says:

      excuse me for forgetting about the well-crafted walk cycles and secondary timing. also, i spoke only concerning people who label themselves “brony” and constantly showcase shit. bronies are retarded by nature. also what do you mean you dont want to fuck fry????????

      • Umm? says:

        Yeah the animation and other bits and pieces is really just my justification to watch it, makes it sound less weird if I have a legitimate reason to watch a show targeted at kids haha

  5. Umm? says:

    Haha I was joking about the fact that since I am a guy who watches MLP I guess you could call me a ‘Brony’. But I agree a lot of people just take it too far like all the fanfic *shudders*. Still, the only reason I hate the term Brony is because it gets associated with furrie or. Just saying we’re not all like that haha. And yes your right all these spam Posts of ponies on the web and shiz gets annoying. When I said I didn’t want to **** Fry I was pointing out that just because I watch MLP and therefore apparently that makes me a Brony, it doesn’t mean I’m fucked in the head and get off to a kids show lol. Each to their own I think people blow this whole thing out of proportion.

  6. EMP says:

    Years later and the MLP community is still a dump.

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