Chris-chan’s Mind Has Finally Slipped

OK, I’m not going to make another apology about leaving this blog stagnant for like the fifth time now or something. I’ll try to get to it when I feel like it, and that’s probably the best we’re gonna get. Sometimes you may get multiple entries at once, and sometimes you might get them not that many times. It’s sporadic, meaning it’s going to be irregular from here-on-out unless something really changes that. But enough of my tsundere apology, it’s time to get the ball rolling like we always have (and you helped!).

We’re here to discuss something that weighs heavily on mankind. And by some “thing,” I do quite LITERALLY MEAN SOME “THING.” And by that, I mean “Christian Weston Chandler,” whose rise to absolute infamy has earned himself the most awkward spot in our hearts. Now I kind of just sat here, thinking of how to describe this man, knowing full-well that all I’d really be doing is just scratching the surface. If I were to explain it completely, I’d be writing a novel. So I’m gonna go ahead and scratch that surface something fierce.

Chris-chan had made himself very prominent around the internet by doing absolutely everything necessary. Chris introduced, well, a “forbidden fruit” to the residents of the net. Something so seemingly pure, it was simply begging to be infringed upon. Something so DeviantArt-stereotypical and ignorant that it was practically fish-food for a most carnivorous species of Piranha.

Chris as he sees himself. Fun fact: this was drawn as an adult.

It all began in 1988 when Chris had produced some work which would have been very akin to the humble age of six. A young lad, Chris invented Sonichu, an “electric-hedgehog Pokemon” whose purpose was to combat Chris’ personal demons, so to speak. However, this story takes a bit of a different turn from what you may expect, depending on your pre-existing background on this “man.” While I have absolutely nothing wrong with autistic people, I feel it is in order to mention that Chris had been diagnosed with autism very early in his life.

Creepy image that is featured on Chris-chan's long-destroyed, official Sonichu website. Make note of his "art" style.

Amateur “comic-artist,” Chris had been more willing to carry on this idea (much of which isn’t even original content and should have been abandoned in this case) than expected. Oddly enough, Sonichu is laced with some pretty uninformed racist and homophobic content that works to bog down his reputation to numbers not-yet-assigned-a-named by humankind. This next part is a little bit hazy, but it is believed that Sonichu was discovered by 4chan sometime in 2007. So keep in mind, I’m covering some pretty old news (considering the extent to how much it has, at this point, been strewn across the yard of a very angry resident senior citizen known as the “World Wide Web”).

Chris-chan and his "Sonichu medallion" that he wears literally fucking everywhere. The one pictured is very likely the one he inserted into his posterior at some point during his extensive teasing. Keep in mind, I've studied this person for a long time now. I'm what you would call a doctor in this field.

But what I’m here to mention is something a bit more pressing (and quite definitely one of his most psychopathic endeavors in history). After a long road of being ridiculed by “trolls,” “jerkops,” and “picklemen,” it seems Chris has finally, well, switched “genders.” I couldn’t tell you exactly what prompted this, because it’s very inconsistent with a lot of claims he’s made about hating homosexuals and condemning them to hell.

A recent "makeup tutorial" released by the madman.

Also, I should probably warn that most of the content surrounding this individual is confirmed NOT WORK-SAFE. In fact, his most famous offense is so off-putting that I refuse from writing it on a blog which I have 100% creative control over. Should you ever find it, it involves a “JULAY.” I wish you NO luck with that.

Chris had taken about a one-year hiatus from the internet before returning to his post (as expected, but feared just as well). And what he came back as was not the charming illustrator and racist/homophobe we once knew, but someone whose confidence had been so wracked to the point that they saw no other alternative but to become an entirely different person (though no-one was mistaken).

At this time, I find it impossible to not pity this person to some degree. While so many of his downfalls could have been easily avoided, he insisted on falling into the same traps that he’d found himself in several times before. Chris-chan is more-or-less an extension of the soul. A being so youthful and so profound that few of us succeed to understand its whims.

Either that or a selfish manchild who pisses away taxpayer welfare money on PS3 games he’s never touched. It’s for you to decide.

Oh, and I forgot to mention: he's Buffalo Bill.

Click here for more information (Jesus Christ, why?)

Advertisements
Gallery | This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Chris-chan’s Mind Has Finally Slipped

  1. Uncle Albert says:

    JULLLAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

  2. Josh says:

    Well… bottoms up!

  3. Josh says:

    And to think of how THAT’s not the most obscene thing he’s done…

  4. Pingback: Confessions of a Juggalo « Spinning Sounds

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s