Sometime around late August, GameSpot held a contest for “ALL-TIME GREATEST GAME SIDEKICK” to act as the third placeholder in their expansive series of gaming polls (games). Firstly, Gordon Freeman from the Half-Life series was chosen as the top “hero.” Then, we had Sarah Kerrigan from the Starcraft series to be selected as the best “villain.” I suppose when those two choices are depleted, you turn to the next best thing: sidekicks. And guess who won that?
That’s right. Launchpad Mc-motherfucking QUACK. I don’t know about you, but this has got to be some of the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. There’s something about the combination of GameSpot’s generally retarded userbase in conjunction with this event that makes my heart swell up with glee. I honestly can’t stress how hilarious I find this. It’s almost difficult to put into words.
And in case you couldn’t already figure out, the poll had been rigged at nearly the moment it started. This had been done chiefly by 4chan’s /v/ (video games) board (if you don’t click that while this is going on, they’re actually playing the music from the well-known moon stage theme from DuckTales to celebrate). And as often stupid as some of 4chan’s doings (/b/’s) seem to be, I cannot help but froth in enjoyment at the spectacle of these “out-numbered” raids or attacks. Apparently, they envisioned a contest in which Albert Einstein (specifically as he appears in Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3) would be pitted against Launchpad from DuckTales on the NES. And that’s exactly what happened.
The only term I can think of to describe the reaction of GameSpot’s users is “abysmal autismal.” Some of these people were downright furious while the trolls sat and left comments about how “Launchpad is a great sidekick and would have steered the infamous planes from 9/11 to safety had it come down to it.” Of course, the children behind their keyboards continued to piss and bawl at this, failing to realize they were doing exactly what was intended for them (in which case, I honestly don’t mind).
I think one of my favorite retorts has to be:
In addition to that, I can’t help but laugh when looking back at the contest’s primer video and imagining Launchpad being thrown into the mix after such a gallant and intensive-quality display of the previous two victors. The staff at GameSpot was clearly upset (to the point where they removed the coverage off the front page) after watching characters such as Dogmeat, Alyx Vance, and Otacon being mysteriously but quickly dispatched out of the competition by such unlikely candidates.
But when you get down to it, it was their fault for adding Launchpad and Einstein as choices for the ballot to begin with. GameSpot then proceeded to write poorly-masked slander about Launchpad such as “Yes, Launchpad McQuack, the helpful sidekick who never hesitates to whisk Scrooge McDuck away to the bonus stage in the Ducktales games, has won this competition.” The standard victory article (as well as some comments prodding GameSpot for the winner’s video coverage) can be found here alongside a descending timeline of events. How bitter.
I think the sportly thing to do would have been to welcome with open arms the coming of their mallard-ous messiah.